arline jernigan

Today my thoughts are on love. I have made lists on what I love and yet to describe what love is seems impossible. I would even go so far as to say that I don’t understand it at all.

Love just is.

For a lot of my life I did not feel loved, I did not think I was lovable. I thought there was something so inherently ugly and wrong about me, that I was not worthy of it. No one ever told me this, I decided that myself for some reason. (many perhaps, but all skewed)

Of course, today I feel so much love, and I see it in so many places, and through so many people, it is amazing, and I am at a place today where I can feel love for myself (most of the time). That is doubly amazing!!!!

The area that I have not let love inside of, is romance (for lack of a better term). That has been evident in the types of men I have chosen in the past (not bad, people, by the way). For some reason (again many) I am terrified of doing this thing called relationship. I can speak of what I want, and I can say that I am willing to give, but when it comes to relating to another on all levels of intimacy, I am a beginner, and I have no clue, not yet anyway. I have created a lot of space for myself, and have been healing on so many levels, yet in this territory that is vast, I have merely just touched the surface.

I am willing and open, to the possibility of sharing my heart with another, and I am willing to go through the fears when the time comes. (I hope I can say that when it happens), I also hope that I can be astute enough to recognize this love and really receive it when its in my presence.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 8th, 2007 at 1:04 pm and is filed under love. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.