I am writing this from my new iPhone (thank you) Jason and teddy). The reason I am writing in my journal, on my iPhone, is that my laptop is at the apple hospital, being fixed. I have no clue as to what the problem is.

It is quite amazing that we have the ability to do what we can do electronically. Sometimes I take it for granted. That is, until something goes wrong, leaving me frustrated a d confused.

I am humbled, and am reminded that I am a beginner, and I don’t have to have all the answers.

Everything will be fixed soon (hopefully), and the 2 1/2 hours that I was at the apple store wasn’t completly for not, I got to reflect on how grateful I am for all I have. There is always room for gratitude.

I hope the hungover person behind the geniois bar, who tried to help me, gets the rest she needs.

And with that, I will sign off.

I hate that I will miss Sunday soul again. It is the best ever!

Something that I have noticed lately is how I can really jump to conclusions about things. I will assume something, make decisions based on my assumptions, and react.

This happens, because I fail to ask questions.

Somewhere down the line, I learned that it was not OK to ask, whether it be to clarify something, to ask for what I needed, to further understand something, or what have you.

I always felt inadequate in some way, because there were things that I did not understand, yet I felt I could not ask for clarification. I was supposed to know, what ever IT was.

I have always been a little on the shy and quiet side, which has not helped the patten that I created.

Communication in any form is a skill, does not have to be difficult, though I can make it so at times. This is especially true in intimate situations. Somehow, I loose all my ability to articulate what I need to express, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

This is vastly improving though, and I see when I am shutting down. The awareness does not always mean I am going to speak up right away though, but I will much more quickly than in the past.

I am also starting to understand that for me to grow, I MUST speak my truth, from my heart, and not just my head. I must be clear in my thoughts, and I must ask if I don’t understand something. (another one of those aha moments, that I already “knew” ;) )

See, I thought somehow, that if I said what I thought, or felt, that I would be rejected. That’s the bottom line. Hence the pattern of silence.

It is quite evident, that while I am very intuitive, I am not a mind reader, nor do I want to be. I have other things to focus on.

I’m learning how to reach out and extend, both in listening and speaking, and while it is awkward at times, I am feeling much more peace in my ability to relate.

I am not going to critique the show, I am just simply going to say that I thoroughly enjoyed being there, and that I especially enjoyed the second and fourth pieces. In both of those pieces I was totally engaged, and did not want either to end.

I must do this more often, as well as connect with my dancer friends to see about dancing and performing again in the near future.

I thought it was interesting and humorous enough to call my friend Amanda, and say just listen to this, and proceeded to tell her what I saw, and share the melodic pleasures I was subject to. She was like “I just cant go there with music, because it makes me angry. I agreed with her. I suppose that is the point.

Seriously, I love music, it is such a powerful medium of expression, and music is meant to be shared, though not necessarily in the line of the bank drive through or at a stop light, but who am I to say, I too have, in the past, screamed along with Ministry while driving, and I still really like to use music as a vehicle for my feelings. I just thought it was funny.

I tend to want to hear about things that do not exploit others or promote violence however, because we have plenty enough negativity in this world. It would seem more productive to express with thoughts of solution instead off victim mentality. There is a lot of amazing music out there that does just this. I don’t really fall into the norm though, and steer clear of popularity. Oh well.