arline jernigan

I have to say, that I am amazed at where I am at the moment. I have been watching things unfold in my world, and as long as I allow the flow to happen, I can expect nothing short of wonderful.

I have countless examples, where grace has been given to me, even at times, when my behavior, was such, that by an onlookers assessment, I may have not “deserved” it. The truth of the matter is, that everything is always working out well for me, even if I don’t think so within a harried moment.

Often, I have asked, “who am I, and why am I here???
These are certainly not new questions, and they have been asked many times by those who long to know the inner workings of the heart and mind.

I am inclined to do a lot of self examination, and observation. What I am finding lately, is that in order to go any further, I have to hone in, and define (as much as is possible) my purpose.

What exactly does this mean??? I am getting clearer and clearer, that the examination and observing, is not enough, simply because it seems to have too many limitations. I have to have a vision of where I want to be, and line up with it, without getting bogged down with a current “reality”, or past reflection, because the past is over, and what I observe changes moment by moment, and is definitely influenced by my mood.

As I change and grow, my reasons for why I do things, amend as well. I love the fluidity of the process, especially when I am in the flow.

For me this life has to have meaning, and I believe we each as individuals, have to define it in some way that makes personal sense. I often wonder how some people can seem go through life and scantly pause to see and feel what is happening in the mind and heart. I just find it so interesting.

I have this sense though, that it is not necessary to search, or “work so hard”, that all I need is the spirit within my heart and soul, and that I have to let what is inside, radiate out, so that I can connect to the great collective heart. This GREAT heart, is way bigger than me, yet I am a part of it, we ALL are.

Living from this paradigm, is much easier said than done. I believe, that we here here on earth to create. That is a very broad statement, and much deeper than it seems, but sometimes my vision can be short sighted, and I can get distracted by the minutiae of everyday life.

So to redefine my intention, and to remember purpose once again, I must be fully present in all that I do. It can get confusing to me when, in this world, we have to work within the mundane aspects. Things like having a job and bringing in an income, seem pretty necessary. The word mundane is not meant as a pejorative, but as an earthly fact, that we have all created.

Money, can be seen most worldly and temporal, if you are inclined to move on a spiritual path, and while it can often consume and cloud thinking, it is actually neutral in its existence, and can be a wonderful tool for expansion.

. A lot of people use money for the greater good, to help others, in countless ways, as well as enjoy the potential that it holds.

In the past I have grappled with myself about the importance money can hold in my focus, and have realized, that I don’t have to worry or think too much about it. There is enough, I am always taken care of, and when I am connected, I am inspired to actions that lead me to the most amazing opportunities. This is true, not just with money, but everything in my experience.

It always seems to come back to focus, and how I direct my thoughts and energies. Knowing how I want to live and express who I am is more important than what I do. I want to live consciously and joyfully, share my heart, and expand, and so long as I relax, and look for the good, this is sure to happen, no matter what comes my way.

I remember when I was living in Auburn. School was at its end for the year, and I was finished with my projects and exams. Of course I was totally relieved, and feeling free.

I was in my bedroom, playing with some watercolors, and in one moment, or so it seemed, I was rinsing out my brush (the brush was making a wonderful sound against the glass of water), and my sister Natalie said, “yeah, we are in here studying our asses off, and Arline is in her room painting away”!!! I then replied, I am going to teach exercise, and make art, for the rest of my life, and I meant it!

I had not found yoga yet, and would not, for several years to come, but I set the ball in motion, and have made a clear intention to follow through with my plan. So far it has worked wonderfully, especially since yoga is where my exercise led me to.

I am always tweaking my vision, and expanding on what I have carved out, but the focus remains the same.

My focus is joy, and I am committed to doing what I have to do, to bring as much of it into my life as I can.

This notion sounds simple and yet lofty, because somewhere I got the message, which came from many places, that hard work and struggle was the order for the day, and that joy comes after that.

I think that may be a common notion among many, because I see a lot of people, who clearly don’t like what they do for employment, or feel unsatisfied in other areas of their lives. They allow themselves to become victim to the world that they unwittingly created, and use that as an excuse, to be miserable.

I have had to deconstruct some thought patterns, and rebuild new ones, in order to get to this place, but I do believe that happiness, as well as joy, which is happiness at depth, is not just a spontaneous occurrence, though it can be and is often felt, by chance.

Rather, it is a state of being, that requires a willingness to experience things, from an open, buoyant and appreciative perspective. And believe it or not, this can be possible, no matter what is happening around you, because life will happen, that is inevitable. How do I want to BE in this world, is the question, in any given moment, and my perspective will determine my state of being.

I now realize in a profound way, that my happiness, is my responsibility, and that no one can, no matter how wonderful that they may be, can be given that responsibility. They have their own happiness to maintain. Conversely, no one, no matter how badly I think they may be behaving, can cause discontent.

It is not another persons job, to make sure I am comfortable, let alone full of joy.

I think that is a relief to know!!! That lets us all off the hook, to be the loving, spontaneous, creative beings, that we essentially are, without any feeling of need or obligation.

This is true in every single aspect of life, and I believe that life is supposed to be joyfully expressed. Lofty YES, and that is fine by me, because my sights are high, and getting higher.

I have really let this journal sit in silence for quite a while, for many reasons, but I think it is time to bring her back to life.

I must say, that life is in fact amazing and wonderful. No exaggeration here. Even in the times that I was feeling the most friction, within the last year, I inherently knew that it was for the greater good, of me and my life. I have a visceral understanding of that now, and believe at depth, that everything is perfect as it is, and that I get to choose how I want to exist within my world.

How I view things is ever expanding too. This is good news, because as I expand my mind and heart, I am more able to love and appreciate what is around me, no matter what I see.

Perfection, has taken on a new meaning for me. It is not the type of perfection, that I was seeking (and quite unsuccessfully) for most of my life, which was based in fear and lack. I don’t really feel the need to explain that kind of needing in this post, but that very need, kept me from a lot of joy.

The perfection that I am referring to, is one that acknowledges the “rightness” of everything that is happening in life, whether I prefer it or not.

Many may think, that there is so much that is not going well in this world, and that things MUST be changed, in order to make it right. Often there is so much focus on what “NEEDS” to be changed, that the inherent well being, that is MUCH MUCH greater, is not even seen.

This notion could be debated, and is debated all the time, but It has been my experience, that what I fight against, just becomes more obstinate, and my perspective, the one that I want the other to embody, is NOT going to happen.

Of course things unwanted are going to happen, and desires will be born, but I cant fight anymore, not for anything. Struggle is not my answer.

I am finding over and over again, that it ALL goes back to the individual self, and being in alignment. When I am aligned, connected and grounded, my actions are inspired, and beauty just unfolds. It feels so good to be aligned, yet it is not possible to ask everyone to find alignment with the highest potential of who they are and it is certainly not possible to force one into alignment. That is an individual job, that comes from wanting alignment.

I did learn a long time ago, that what you focus upon grows, which is along the same lines. Perception plays a huge part of that, and perspective can be changed at any moment. I am paying much closer attention to how I see things, and what I say about these things I see. I have noticed, in a big way, that offering more feelings of appreciation, has helped me see some amazing beauty, and it also continues to open my heart wider and wider.

Words are powerful, and they express what we observe, yet I am really understanding how feeling plays an essential roll in all of this, because what I observe, is not necessarily reality. Physical reality, is relative to where my thoughts reside, and how I am feeling about them.

In this journal, I have mentioned time and again, that I am being asked to expand. Well, now I am finally allowing myself to feel the expansion, rather than talking about it. To say that it feels great, is an understatement.

Process is of course eternal, and friction is what keeps all of us asking for and creating improvement, but as I said, I want to do this from a really connected and aligned place, so I can be inspired to effective and joyful solutions.

I think I will close today, but I will definitely return, as I do love to muse over things.

In the meantime, I will peruse the rest of this site, that I have been so remiss upon. A lot of reworking is in order, and it is due time…

I was in a conversation the other day, and the topic was about expectations.

In the midst of this conversation, I said, and sincerely believed my words at the time, that “I had few if none, of others. Basically because experience has proven that expectations often lead to disappointment. ”

I said, that “I pretty much only place expectations on myself, and ones that are unattainable, and quite rigid. Blah blah blah…”

True enough, but after I left that conversation, I realized I was full of BS.

I do have hopes and expectations, all the time, and in particular to those I am close to. They are just not overt or what I consider major, but I often expect people to behave in a certain way (within the context of our relationship) all the time. I am often frustrated when the status quo, small or large, changes, even if it is temporary. That is unless I am the one changing the status quo. Nice huh.

I am not crazy about this notion, but I have to be honest.

I have a particular situation, that has left me feeling open, raw and exposed, which is prompting me to do a lot of self reflection, and letting go. This is because my self-centered expectations and hopes are not being met right now. They may never be met, and at some point, I will have to decide what to do about it on a grander scale.

For now though, nothing drastic has to happen, but if I want to feel sane about “my ordeal” the way it is at the moment, I must sit and observe with patience, open heart and understanding, because I can NOT force my wishes onto anything or anyone.

Things are how they are.

The biggest thing I can think of right now, is that I desire to keep myself aligned, spirit/soul, body and mind. If I can do that, then I won’t have to feel wasted from energy I exerted, from hoping others will give me what I think I need.

This ain’t easy, even with a disciplined yoga and meditation practice. I am having to feel feelings that don’t really agree with my body, without abandon.

Alas… I’m making friends with discomfort and uncertainty right now. We’ll see where this takes me.

I love my website.