arline jernigan

Certain themes have permeated my work for many years, and I am learning to accept surrender to the process with ease and trust, moving through the layers, surface to deep.

The work is tactile in so many ways, informed by my process, my perceptions, and my ability to see.

As I open my eyes, mind and heart, I can see through many of the layers.

In the movement, through my art and through my yoga practice, is where I learn so much, though this is true in all aspects of my life really. I do have to pause a lot, so I can see where I am going, and what I am doing, and I have to be willing to let go of everything.

Questions keep coming up over and over again, and I realize how skeptical I can be. As I said, I am learning how to trust. I have given up on “what” to trust, because the spirit I feel has no name, and as for people, I can only love and trust them as much as love and trust myself.

How do I do this with grace? How do I connect with the deepest part of me, and live in this world? Whats more, how do I relate to another? How do I share this love that I feel?

One of the biggest places that I see potential for learning and growth, and perhaps answers (or at least peace about my questions), is within relationships, all of them. In fact, my favorite drawing professor in graduate school used to speak about the importance of the relationships between the objects we were drawing, and space around them. It is never about one thing, everything is important and interconnected, and in an incomprehensible way.

This applies to the individual and how she relates to others, and in particular, to a special person, or the potential of one.

To learn about the self, by getting out of self is a very interesting notion, and it is quite difficult. A lot people are afraid to do this because it is a bit scary to drop our self proclaimed constructs, and truly share from the heart, but it is necessary and worthwhile. I have seen glimpses of the joy I feel when I actually see, I mean really see another. Not what I want to see.

Thankfully, relationships are dynamic as with everything else. They are ever changing, and require openness and generosity in heart and mind, as well that nebulous word trust. There is never a dull moment, how could there be.

I am just a beginner here of course, I suppose that will always be the case.

The movement is here is dynamic and inspiring, but also pausing is tantamount to finding union.

I thought there was more and of course there is, but that is about all I can write on this today, and as I open, and allow things to unfold, I can share more words. For now though (and hopefully always), I will go to my studio to paint, then to the matt to move, then sit in meditation (not necessarily in that order) , so I can tap into that grace and flow, which I can carry into all my interactions.

I am extremely grateful for my life and I really love to share what I have.

This is a very exciting time right now for many reasons. One being the imminent election, which I hope will cause a great transformation. My hopes are high, but I am not attached to my thoughts of what I want. I will therefore not get political, because if you know me, you know I am not exactly political by nature. I tend to be a bit idealistic and oftentimes turn a blind eye to the happenings in our government. Sadly many others do the same thing. This apathy, and it is apathy, has not done our country any favors.

I do vote though, and realize what privilege that is. We are lucky in so many ways, and it is time to pay attention.

I will say, that I have been meditating and sending a lot of energy to all the candidates. I wish peace, everyone deserves that. My opinion is on the liberal and expansive side, and I believe that transformation is essential. This fear based mentality and avarice has to end. There is more than enough!

I have a lot to learn.

On a personal level I have so much to be happy for. I feel loved and connected, and so grateful for all the amazing people in my world. I can’t say that enough, I am truly blessed.

Lately I have been reconnecting with old friends via the internet. What an incredible world we live in, and with the brilliance of technology sweet connections can be made and rekindled. And to think, I resisted technology for so long.

It is interesting to me, the things that we resist. The unsettling nature of change can breed fear. I think that is why it sometimes seems so hard to embrace something new?
I have stayed in countless situations, miserable to the point of suffering, for far longer than I had to, simply because I was afraid of what the new possibilities were. I think that complacency also plays a part. It requires work and oftentimes discomfort to change. This is true personally and universally.

I say bring it on! What ever change is in store will produce growth and wisdom.

We need it, and the undercurrent is strong, something is going to overturn sooner than later. Lets just bring love into it.

I am in my head today, and I don’t much like it. I need to get out and do something fun.

My brain seems to be hardwired to think, analyze, and systematically “figure things out”, to the point of nauseum.

Conversely, I am highly creative, and this part of me laughs at the scheming, analytical part of my mind.

The two worlds have not been in sync lately, and it has caused some frustration within me, and since this is my stomping ground for working things out, and sharing my process, here I go.

Part of suffering, comes from this identification to who and what we think we are, and what we do everyday. For example, I am a girl, a woman, an artist, a yoga teacher friend, sister, a daughter etc… Going deeper > identifying with beliefs that make up our make up or character, which could be affirming or pejorative, “I am good or I am bad, I am ugly or I am beautiful, smart, stupid. But the things we identify ourselves by are just constructs, and are really not the essence of who we are. We think we are ’something’ and we spend our whole lives trying to live up to the image that we construct, yet we (most people at some point, anyway) seek meaning and purpose, beyond what is in our everyday world, so we search and search for something or someone to no avail. Therein lies the dilemma, and suffering takes place. Why, because we don’t have to seek, what we really want, is inside each and every human being. Most of the time we don’t recognize this, because we get caught up in our little web of story line.

Through my studies and practice, I really am starting to see, at least with in myself, all the ways that I cut myself off from the essence of my being, how I cut off the creative flow, and when the blinders come on, and how deep this matrix goes. Seriously, I have been practicing yoga for a while now, and part of that practice is intense self study, so I have seen patterns in my body, mind and behavior a lot, it is just that I don’t always know what to do with the information that I gather.

Then it dawned on me… I am to do nothing. I am to sit still, do absolutely nothing, and be with what is right there. Through the act of being, not doing, I will be guided to places I truly need to be. Next, I have to really tap into that inner love, that is pure and real.

I am sure that I have had this realization before, but today it feels like a light bulb went on, though only after I did a number on myself, through massive self pity and through berating myself for being caught up in the self pity.

It is quite laughable.

I will surely keep doing the things I do, I love them, most of them anyway. I just have to remember to be still too, and let the breath take care of my thinking thinking thinking. Yes, then I am open to receive, and am able to give.

Now, it is time for me to go out, and find some fun to have. : )

Well, technology is at once amazing, humbling, and frustrating.

I am writing this from my new iPhone (thank you) Jason and teddy). The reason I am writing in my journal, on my iPhone, is that my laptop is at the apple hospital, being fixed. I have no clue as to what the problem is.

It is quite amazing that we have the ability to do what we can do electronically. Sometimes I take it for granted. That is, until something goes wrong, leaving me frustrated a d confused.

I am humbled, and am reminded that I am a beginner, and I don’t have to have all the answers.

Everything will be fixed soon (hopefully), and the 2 1/2 hours that I was at the apple store wasn’t completly for not, I got to reflect on how grateful I am for all I have. There is always room for gratitude.

I hope the hungover person behind the geniois bar, who tried to help me, gets the rest she needs.

And with that, I will sign off.

I hate that I will miss Sunday soul again. It is the best ever!

I had a halting moment the other day, and I love when this happens, because it usually means change and growth.

Nothing was wrong really, but in my mind it seemed like everything was “against” me. Poor Arline!

I was voicing my lament to someone (my teacher actually), when I realized that what I was saying was nothing more than a repeat of some “issues” I had droned on about over and over many times, to no avail.

It finally dawned on me, that by my focusing on what seemed wrong, was and is not useful to me or others, and it was getting me no where fast. Novel huh! But it seems like I am somewhat “addicted” to the fear, and what ever that brings up for me, because I continue to bring that energy into my space.

I know how ludicrous that must sound, but really a habit is a form of addiction, and we all have habitual thoughts and patterns in our mind and body.

Hopefully through massive and intensive work and letting go, the patterns can become unraveled and new life can begin. I speak for myself only, but when I am caught up in habitual thought patterns, I am not living, I am reacting and projecting, scheming and hating where I am at once.

I am flooded with gratitude for the people in my life who let me be just who I am, where I am in my head trip, and have the courage to tell me the truth about what they see, so that I can see myself clearly.

I can take the truth. I welcome it.

It seems that web of humanity, or ego, is very tenacious, and I have to respect that fact, but I don’t have to give into it. I just have let go until I actually surrender to something more loving.

Enough said.