arline jernigan

Certain themes have permeated my work for many years, and I am learning to accept surrender to the process with ease and trust, moving through the layers, surface to deep.

The work is tactile in so many ways, informed by my process, my perceptions, and my ability to see.

As I open my eyes, mind and heart, I can see through many of the layers.

In the movement, through my art and through my yoga practice, is where I learn so much, though this is true in all aspects of my life really. I do have to pause a lot, so I can see where I am going, and what I am doing, and I have to be willing to let go of everything.

Questions keep coming up over and over again, and I realize how skeptical I can be. As I said, I am learning how to trust. I have given up on “what” to trust, because the spirit I feel has no name, and as for people, I can only love and trust them as much as love and trust myself.

How do I do this with grace? How do I connect with the deepest part of me, and live in this world? Whats more, how do I relate to another? How do I share this love that I feel?

One of the biggest places that I see potential for learning and growth, and perhaps answers (or at least peace about my questions), is within relationships, all of them. In fact, my favorite drawing professor in graduate school used to speak about the importance of the relationships between the objects we were drawing, and space around them. It is never about one thing, everything is important and interconnected, and in an incomprehensible way.

This applies to the individual and how she relates to others, and in particular, to a special person, or the potential of one.

To learn about the self, by getting out of self is a very interesting notion, and it is quite difficult. A lot people are afraid to do this because it is a bit scary to drop our self proclaimed constructs, and truly share from the heart, but it is necessary and worthwhile. I have seen glimpses of the joy I feel when I actually see, I mean really see another. Not what I want to see.

Thankfully, relationships are dynamic as with everything else. They are ever changing, and require openness and generosity in heart and mind, as well that nebulous word trust. There is never a dull moment, how could there be.

I am just a beginner here of course, I suppose that will always be the case.

The movement is here is dynamic and inspiring, but also pausing is tantamount to finding union.

I thought there was more and of course there is, but that is about all I can write on this today, and as I open, and allow things to unfold, I can share more words. For now though (and hopefully always), I will go to my studio to paint, then to the matt to move, then sit in meditation (not necessarily in that order) , so I can tap into that grace and flow, which I can carry into all my interactions.

I am extremely grateful for my life and I really love to share what I have.

I am having an aesthetic experience. Everything I see is beauty, everything love.

The only way I can describe it, is that from my chest comes this swirling light of energy, and this energy allows me to feel connected in a deep and wonderful way.

I have been so full of gratitude lately. I guess that is what is going on, though I don’t want to think about it too much.

I made a decision, to let my heart shine, no matter what. To love, no matter what. As strange as that may seem, I realized that I have this tendency to coil up and withhold if I am afraid, or if I feel that my love is not being received. I apologize for not being specific.

I am just saying, that right now, I am choosing to love every memory, every experience, no matter how I have interpreted the content. At one time, I lived in a world, that was jaded, harsh and sunless in moments, though now there is sunshine. I am happy for this. Im happy for today.

With everything I speak about, I refer to the microcosm (me) and the macrocosm (the world and beyond).

So… I am loving what ever comes my way, because I want to see love, I want to feel love, and I want to share love. Love tears us apart, shredding the constructs that separate us. Learning how to see this love in its many manifestations will heal everything.

I’m ready!

I am feeling rather emotional today, because so much is happening right now.

We have a new president, Barack Obama and love him or not, this is an amazing point in history, where so many barriers have been shattered, there is a new hope that seemed to be lost, and an energy of love that is palpable.

I must say that I am overjoyed, and before I meditated this morning, I broke down into tears, because I can feel the transformation happening. It is happening on a micro scale and a macro scale.

New beginnings!

My hope is that we can collectively help in this transformative process.

The thing that I got from watching this election, was that we all need to start paying better attention, and taking an interest in where we are as a whole, and at once, cultivate a sense of personal responsibility. Everything starts with “I”, but ultimately we are all connected, and must come together.

It is not going to be easy, growth never is. I don’t have quixotic notions, and I welcome the process as it unfolds. I am learning to trust, and as that trust grows, so does my world around me.

I feel this growth and opening on so many levels, and words can’t really touch what I am experiencing. I just hope that I can radiate the love that I am feeling right now. I hope it touches and heals, because I want that so much, for everyone.

So today I am thankful, happy and full of gratitude. But let me say this, if it had gone the other way, I may not have been happy, but I would still be thankful and full of gratitude, because every situation offers potential for growth. Sometimes though, we need a totally different perspective, and to be pushed out of our comfort zone, especially if the comfort zone is not so great.

This is a very exciting time right now for many reasons. One being the imminent election, which I hope will cause a great transformation. My hopes are high, but I am not attached to my thoughts of what I want. I will therefore not get political, because if you know me, you know I am not exactly political by nature. I tend to be a bit idealistic and oftentimes turn a blind eye to the happenings in our government. Sadly many others do the same thing. This apathy, and it is apathy, has not done our country any favors.

I do vote though, and realize what privilege that is. We are lucky in so many ways, and it is time to pay attention.

I will say, that I have been meditating and sending a lot of energy to all the candidates. I wish peace, everyone deserves that. My opinion is on the liberal and expansive side, and I believe that transformation is essential. This fear based mentality and avarice has to end. There is more than enough!

I have a lot to learn.

On a personal level I have so much to be happy for. I feel loved and connected, and so grateful for all the amazing people in my world. I can’t say that enough, I am truly blessed.

Lately I have been reconnecting with old friends via the internet. What an incredible world we live in, and with the brilliance of technology sweet connections can be made and rekindled. And to think, I resisted technology for so long.

It is interesting to me, the things that we resist. The unsettling nature of change can breed fear. I think that is why it sometimes seems so hard to embrace something new?
I have stayed in countless situations, miserable to the point of suffering, for far longer than I had to, simply because I was afraid of what the new possibilities were. I think that complacency also plays a part. It requires work and oftentimes discomfort to change. This is true personally and universally.

I say bring it on! What ever change is in store will produce growth and wisdom.

We need it, and the undercurrent is strong, something is going to overturn sooner than later. Lets just bring love into it.

My day started at about 4 30, and not too badly considering that I woke every hour on the hour post 12 30 when I lay down to sleep. I was restless, and having strange strange dreams. I won’t go into them now, but needless to say, I don’t feel adequately rested.

Still, I was very excited to get into my studio this morning, because I got some new gesso, an artist medium that is really thick white paint. Well, the thing was vacuum sealed, and I could not get it open. I tried patiently, and I tried many ways, when I finally got frustrated and slammed it down like a spoiled brat.
Well, the container opened alright, it went splat all over my face, in my hair, but thankfully not on my shirt, or I would have really been mad. So I stomped inside to clean the mess off my face, and coffee was all over the floor, because I had not put the coffee pot in securely enough, so coffee everywhere, paint everywhere. Deep cleansing breaths came only after the explatives that I fervently yelled.

Sadly this happened AFTER my meditation, my peaceful meditation…

This month, I have made changes to my teaching schedule. I changed the time of my sunday morning class. It was form 10 30 am to 12, and I have moved it to 9 am, this was scheduled to be in effect next sunday October 12th, and was on the printed schedule, but was not on the website, SO guess what happened.
Several people showed up at 9 and I was not there to greet them. OH MY GOSH HOW HORRIBLE!!!
I got this phone call telling me the news, and asking where I was. Of course I was thrown into a temporary panic, dropping whatever I was doing, rushing to get there, beating myself up for this mishap, and having richious indignation at once, because “I was very specific about starting the second week of October, and why was it incorrect on the site????” Trying to explain this over the phone at this time was futile. The two schedules were incorrect, because of miscommunication, that’s all, and really it was OK, not the end of the world

Yes, I mentioned this, but I had meditated. Where was the peaceful state, the bliss, cause I was not feeling it.

Finally I collected myself, and was able to get past my ineffective thinking and attitude, and be present to those who came. THANK YOU so much you guys, for being understanding! I ended up teaching two classes, because at 10 30 some students showed up, and did so joyfully.

One thing on meditation. Meditating does not necessarily make things more peaceful, it brings about space, and makes you present to what is real and right in front of you. Hopefully in stressful situations, you can draw on the practice, and not fall apart, or at least for not too long. Just the act of sitting there with the intention of meditating is, I believe, touching something deep, and is asking the strong mind to change rout. Sometimes things take time. One thing is for sure, we are not always going to feel peace, and yet the peace is always available to us. It is about tapping into it.

All is well now, but I plan to start over fresh and new, and am going to check out for a bit. Sleep works wonders on the mind, and the nervous system. So off I go to tap in…