arline jernigan

I was in a conversation recently, where the topic was basically about how our thoughts and actions affect others, favorably or unfavorably.

It made me think about one of the first principles in yoga, called ahimsa, which means non harming. It precedes everything in yoga, and is the most important thing to cultivate.

Ahimsa starts with the self, by looking at and removing all the ways one can cause harm to themselves. This way, true vision and compassion can occur.

Beyond the obvious ways to cause harm, be it physical or verbal, there are countless other ways we all do this, and sometimes we are unaware of this fact.

It is important, periodically, to look at our intentions, because while it may not seem obvious at first, we could be injuring someone, or even ourselves. Not necessarily physically, but emotionally, or energetically.

I am constantly seeing ways in which my actions affect others, and when I realize someone is hurt by them, on any level, it makes me sad. I really want people to feel loved and appreciated in my presence. The truth is, however, I can’t assume or feel responsible for what anyone feels, but I can certainly take consideration and become astute when it comes to my feelings, thoughts and speech, and think for a second where I am coming from before I act.

I think intention is the key, and for me, it is to simply come from a pure and open heart. At times this is easy, and at others it isn’t so much, and sometimes willingness to have a pure and open heart is all that can be mustered up.

The process of the mind and personal history is complex, and is ever revealing itself. None of us will ever be perfect on this plane. That is a hard pill for me to swallow, because on some level, that is what I still long to be > PERFECT<.

Really understanding what motivates my interactions with others, or my desire for things to happen, is important indeed. At the deepest level, and sometimes the surface, I know when I am being purely self interested, and self seeking. This is not always a negative thing, but I would like for it to be beneficial for all concerned. When I am in the present moment, open my mind and heart, I can come from that purity mentioned above, and my relationships can grow beautifully. Amazingly beautiful things happen in my world view as well, no matter what is going on. This way of moving through the world, does appeal to me in the deepest sense.

A lot of my posts seem to cycle back to central themes, and self or inner love is one that I return to over and again. I believe it is one of the most important things we as humans can cultivate, and as soon as we stop criticizing who we are, and become sensitive to what we really need on a soul level, then we can realize truth, love and abundance on a profound level.

In the past, I had always thought myself to be overly sensitive in some ways, and I deemed it as wrong somehow. I guess it is because of the way I processed information and events around me. Somehow I was unable to step away and give space to a situation. I would take things personally and to heart, no matter what, which was very self centered. In this self centered place, I could not possibly see another, or see how my actions were affecting people. Even today, I can subtly do this if I am not in a clear place. Some things take time to shift.

In changing my perspective, I see sensitivity in a different context. Now I am grateful that I am so sensitive, because it is the very thing that makes me intuitive, creative and connected. The more I step out of my fear, the more in tune I feel, and the more content I feel. This allows me to love more, and love is what I truly want to radiate.

I don’t always remember my dreams, and usually they are quite abstract, this one was no different, but I can’t shake it.

It jumped from image to image, but the over all feeling was complete, and at once unfinished.

I was with someone, an old and unpredictable friend, and we were to make a journey. We had to go through water, and though the water was clear and beautiful, it had sharks in it. Obviously, I was not too excited to get in. My friend said “its safe, you just have to hold on to the black fin of the big one, and it will carry you”. I was dubious of his suggestion, as I had been led astray by this person so many times before, yet something told me that it was OK.

Before getting into the water, another friend appeared for a moment, and gave me six gold earrings, with jewels in them, and I was to put them in my right ear for protection and guidance. I was hesitant because usually I cant wear earrings, as the metal typically hurts my ears. I took them anyway, and put them along my outer ear, and they felt fine. I felt safe and grateful.

Back in the water, I was holding on to a black fin, when something else started circling around me. It then tried to tear into me. I was too shocked to be scared, and I heard the voice of my friend saying that there is no way that thing is going to get you. You are protected. As I relaxed, the monster faded away, and the journey continued.

I could not see my friend anymore, where was he.? I knew he was there, somewhere, but I was not able to focus on him, because my path, which was not quite clear in that moment, is what I was supposed to direct my attention to.

I must trust, is what I kept hearing.

This journey was timeless, and when I was finally out of the water, I had not arrived at any particular destination, again, it was abstract. The place I made it to was a collection of images which, were quite lovely, I saw lots of sheer fabric, in many shades of silver and grey, kind of like water. There was a comfortable breeze, and the fabric looked inviting. A few people were present, but had none had a face, or voice. Their presence was comforting though, and I knew I was not alone.

Again, where was my friend… Would I see him again? Do I want to? Questions unanswered.

Awake now, I have to wonder, was the dream an omen? Or am I just tapping in to something deep with in my heart and soul. My emotions are really heightened right now, and this dream seems pertinent. Oddly enough, I don’t analyze my dreams too much, but sometimes, I believe they carry messages, especially when I remember one, and can’t get it off my mind.

There is no danger in my way, I get that, but I sense that the undercurrent of my emotions have been dictating my life for quite sometime, and now are surfacing to release. I have to feel them, and move beyond them. That is an obvious reality to me, yet things things like this can not be forced.

I feel tearful right now, and my eyes are feeling a bit blurry, but at the same time, I feel peaceful and open. Things are flowing and I am choosing not to resist the beautiful paradox.

I have invited healing on many levels, and I am willing to swim with sharks if I it will help me to do this, because, the water is safe and beautiful, and I know I am protected and taken care of.

Darkness is the unwillingness to see what is there.

I have been asked again, to open my eyes, and my heart really wide, because it is very important to SEE my world. In my intense and scrupulous self examination, and futile strive for perfection, I have become quite exhausted. Despite all the radiant light around me, I have been in a shell of dark, because for some reason, I did not think my work was “paying off”. What ever that means…

I need to relax a bit, and stop being so hard on myself, because my life is wonderful, and so many great things are presently on the way, as well as right here now.

Overcoming obstacles is part of the human experience, but I have seen how I have made things far more difficult for myself, through self deprecation, negation and what have you. My need to be perfect comes from this deep place of really wanting to be loved, and not believing that I am good enough for that, even still. This is no pity party, it is an honest assessment. Because of this NEED and WANT, I would constantly find myself seeking approval from others. Like a baby bird waiting to be fed, I would sit there waiting to be wanted, cared for and adored.

Seriously, I have had enough of that.

One of the precepts in yoga is called ahimsa, which means non harming. My former attitude was not in sync with that, at all. In fact, it was the opposite, and it blocked me from the goodness and made me feel separate from spirit, and from others.

I have written about this many times, and I have heard it on countless occasions, that you have to love yourself. When you do, you can feel the love around you, and you can give it back freely.

My question to this was always, HOW, pray tell, do I do that?, and for the longest time, that notion seemed impossible.

I don’t think it is impossible anymore, and what a relief. I see now, that all of my efforts, and all of my clearing of old beliefs and behaviors, has been worthwhile. I have grown a lot, and I feel worthy of self respect, and worthy of respect and love from others. And even though the process continues (and will as long as I live on earth), I do not need to be so hard on myself, because it is not helpful to me or anyone else.

It seems that a lot of people struggle with inner love, and inner respect. That, in my opinion, is why the world is in turmoil.

I think inner love comes through practice. I first have to be willing to love, to open my heart, and let it breathe, so it can expand and radiate. I then have to practice loving, even if my heart gets broken. Risk is a form of faith, and faith is essential. Work and reflection are necessary, but so is relaxation, which is a part that I have neglected. In this culture, it is easy to believe aversely to relaxation, and to think it is lazy. But just look at the countless ways we escape from reality,shut down and fall out from sheer exhaustion.

Relaxation is not inertia, nor is it lazy, it is consciously softening, and being willing to receive insights and gifts. Most everyone could benefit from some deep relaxation.

Maybe if I learn how to relax deeply, I can learn how to deeply surrender. (that is another day)

I do have a willingness, and today my heart feels light, so onward I fly.

I think thats all I need to say about that :)

I am not really sure where I want to begin today, but I feel the need to write.

Recently I have come to a new level of understanding with in myself, and some definite changes have to be made if I want to move forward in certain areas, and have certain things come into my life. Nothing life shattering per se, but upon reflection, I have come to see things that may have been holding me back. I have to be willing to (shall I say) let go of some things that I feel a bit attached to.

All of the obstacles I experience are of my doing, and I can’t blame anyone or anything for my circumstance, nor do I want to. I want to say this though. My life is so beautiful in countless ways, and I am so profoundly grateful, that it is hard to express with words. I have grown and changed so much, and as I have said in other posts, I am more ME, than I have ever been.

I can still fall short of my expectations of where I would like to be in this life, and that causes a lot of suffering and sadness. I wonder sometimes if this will ever change. That remains to be seen.

After christmas, I found myself in really big funk, one that I could not shake for the life of me, despite my many attempts to employ all of the tools that I have gathered through the years.

I simply had to go through my funk, like it or not. Sometimes the FUNK is right where its at. Here, I have a choice to take my lament as an opportunity to feel, reflect and hopefully grow, rather than HATE where I am, and try to run away, blame or change it.

There are beautiful lessons everywhere.

Happily I snapped out of it a few days ago, and not a moment too soon, cause while I can learn, I don’t glean satisfaction out of my misery, and I did at one time. I know a lot of people who still do, and my heart goes out to them, because it does not have to be that way.

I have gotten a little more focused in my meditations, meaning that I am setting intentions, and am attempting to focus, rather than just sitting there.

I want to say a few things on meditation. It like everything is a process, and for me, is evolving all of the time.

When I first started to meditate, I could hardly sit there without my mind going 90 to nothing, thought after thought went by, in the most unrelenting way. I found that through practice, and watching my thoughts, and asking for feedback from others who were further along in the journey of meditation, that it is quite difficult to sit. The thoughts are always there, and that the practice of learning how to stay, is just the beginning. Beginnings by the way, can last a very long time.

Over the years, I have tried a lot of meditation techniques. There are so many, and they are all designed to get you to a place where you can find stillness, tap into the intelligence and gain insight. There is no one way, or wrong way to meditate.

Sometimes I can actually listen to the silence, and when this happens, it delights me. Most of the time however, I watch my thoughts until the timer goes off.

I feel connected and more grounded when I do my practice, even when my mind is extra noisy. I do know, that something shifts when I practice regardless what my brain tells me.

Setting an intention, helps to bring about focus, and it can bring me to a deeper understanding of where my mind is.

In these strange times, I am committed to seeing love, beauty, joy, prosperity and abundance. I not only see this for myself, I see it for the world.

There are so many changes taking place in the world, and everyone is feeling it. When I hear fear come from people, I hope to send love.

The more willing I become to leg go of my own fears, I can honestly do this.

So the practice goes on, and I continue my interesting and strange journey.

love and hugs to you <3