arline jernigan

I just want to say a few things about my grandmommy. She passed on to the spirit world yesterday, and is finally at peace. She seemed to have one foot in this world, and one foot outside for about a year. Her tenacity sometimes out weighed her ability to surrender (a quality, I often possess) , and she finally did let go. I am at once relieved for her, and miss knowing she is here on this earth. She will always be in my heart.

I loved her very much. There were so many wonderful things about her. Her unshakable faith in a god of her understanding was evident, and was very loyal to showing praise and offerings, and now her spirt is flying, no soaring with the angles.

I never heard her speak ill of anyone, and she accepted people and situations as they were, and never forced her opinion on anyone. She gave generously to her family, while asking for very little. I think, it was only at the end of her life, that she allowed herself to receive and be cared for in many ways.

For many years she fought her personal demons, and finally got some peace around them. The last 10 years of her life, independent from grandad, whom she loved dearly, were really pretty happy for her, as she got to do what she wanted, when she wanted. She stayed active until about the last two years of her life here.

My biggest sadness comes from the fact that I did not ask more questions about her life, I wish I had been more active in fact finding with her. I can’t lament too much about that, because there is no point, and it is not serving her or me.

Her presence was like an oak tree, strong and quiet, and when it falls, everyone feels the vibration.

She will truly be missed.

A big lesson I have been presented with, is learning how to really see, to open my eyes and my heart, to really see what is in front of me and look at the possibilities around that. This instead of seeing what I want to see, what I hope to see. By doing the latter, I loose everything, I get caught up in the fantasy of my wants and hopes, and I miss out on life.

This happens in so many ways, and I am seeing examples all around me, in my life and in the lives of those I care about.

Personal relationships, no matter what they are, work, family, friends, lovers, are are biggest place where this lesson resides. Somehow the vision gets skewed by our perceptions and filters. We want to either be right, approved of or loved and adored, and this stuff that we want, or think we need, goes way back into our consciousness, and it keeps us from getting what we or the other person may really need.

I have only just begun to open my eyes, yet I can appreciate when I really step back, and lay my perceptions down for even a second, I can see who the other person is, be sympathetic to where they are mentally and emotionally, and not take their actions personally, which is something I have done so much of, and something that has not brought an ounce of happiness.

Letting go is a part of this. It seems to all come back to surrender. Giving up my self centered notions of, well…. anything.

This is the only way for true connection, and by doing this I open my world to possibilities. I won’t come from a place of need, but one of curiosity, and I can actually give. I will be able to contribute to a relationship that is shared and free, rather than one in which I am blind to the other, and am stuck.

I want honest connections with the people in my world, on all levels. I am willing to be clear, and to do what it takes to be clear, so that this is possible.