communicate
Something that I have noticed lately is how I can really jump to conclusions about things. I will assume something, make decisions based on my assumptions, and react.
This happens, because I fail to ask questions.
Somewhere down the line, I learned that it was not OK to ask, whether it be to clarify something, to ask for what I needed, to further understand something, or what have you.
I always felt inadequate in some way, because there were things that I did not understand, yet I felt I could not ask for clarification. I was supposed to know, what ever IT was.
I have always been a little on the shy and quiet side, which has not helped the patten that I created.
Communication in any form is a skill, does not have to be difficult, though I can make it so at times. This is especially true in intimate situations. Somehow, I loose all my ability to articulate what I need to express, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
This is vastly improving though, and I see when I am shutting down. The awareness does not always mean I am going to speak up right away though, but I will much more quickly than in the past.
I am also starting to understand that for me to grow, I MUST speak my truth, from my heart, and not just my head. I must be clear in my thoughts, and I must ask if I don’t understand something. (another one of those aha moments, that I already “knew” ;) )
See, I thought somehow, that if I said what I thought, or felt, that I would be rejected. That’s the bottom line. Hence the pattern of silence.
It is quite evident, that while I am very intuitive, I am not a mind reader, nor do I want to be. I have other things to focus on.
I’m learning how to reach out and extend, both in listening and speaking, and while it is awkward at times, I am feeling much more peace in my ability to relate.