arline jernigan

I am in my head today, and I don’t much like it. I need to get out and do something fun.

My brain seems to be hardwired to think, analyze, and systematically “figure things out”, to the point of nauseum.

Conversely, I am highly creative, and this part of me laughs at the scheming, analytical part of my mind.

The two worlds have not been in sync lately, and it has caused some frustration within me, and since this is my stomping ground for working things out, and sharing my process, here I go.

Part of suffering, comes from this identification to who and what we think we are, and what we do everyday. For example, I am a girl, a woman, an artist, a yoga teacher friend, sister, a daughter etc… Going deeper > identifying with beliefs that make up our make up or character, which could be affirming or pejorative, “I am good or I am bad, I am ugly or I am beautiful, smart, stupid. But the things we identify ourselves by are just constructs, and are really not the essence of who we are. We think we are ’something’ and we spend our whole lives trying to live up to the image that we construct, yet we (most people at some point, anyway) seek meaning and purpose, beyond what is in our everyday world, so we search and search for something or someone to no avail. Therein lies the dilemma, and suffering takes place. Why, because we don’t have to seek, what we really want, is inside each and every human being. Most of the time we don’t recognize this, because we get caught up in our little web of story line.

Through my studies and practice, I really am starting to see, at least with in myself, all the ways that I cut myself off from the essence of my being, how I cut off the creative flow, and when the blinders come on, and how deep this matrix goes. Seriously, I have been practicing yoga for a while now, and part of that practice is intense self study, so I have seen patterns in my body, mind and behavior a lot, it is just that I don’t always know what to do with the information that I gather.

Then it dawned on me… I am to do nothing. I am to sit still, do absolutely nothing, and be with what is right there. Through the act of being, not doing, I will be guided to places I truly need to be. Next, I have to really tap into that inner love, that is pure and real.

I am sure that I have had this realization before, but today it feels like a light bulb went on, though only after I did a number on myself, through massive self pity and through berating myself for being caught up in the self pity.

It is quite laughable.

I will surely keep doing the things I do, I love them, most of them anyway. I just have to remember to be still too, and let the breath take care of my thinking thinking thinking. Yes, then I am open to receive, and am able to give.

Now, it is time for me to go out, and find some fun to have. : )

This entry was posted on Thursday, August 21st, 2008 at 9:10 am and is filed under Journal, exploration, process, spirituality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.