arline jernigan

This whole time period is a trip! I feel a billion things swirling around, and I am acting on faith like never before.

The energy around me is palpable and eery, yet somehow I feel safe and calm.

Its funny, the moment I relax, things just flow, and I can move with the grace I desire.

This does not always come naturally for me. Last week in fact, I wanted to hide under the covers for all of eternity, because I felt so overwhelmed. As dramatic as that sounds, it is true. Well, that is part of my process anyway.

I am learning on deep levels, to relax into this process, with help that is. See, I have wonderful people in my world, and great teachers that guide and inspire me. The teachers are everywhere, and so is the light.

With so much that is happening in the world around me, and how it taps into my own matrix of thoughts and feelings, overwhelm is natural sometimes. Making friends with this, and all the other things I see as unfavorable is essential.

I choose to see the abundance and glory in life, even when the discursive thoughts and fear want to bombard me, and even when I see and feel the energy of others fear.

As a whole, and on a very large scale, probably much larger than anyone of us can comprehend, we are reorganizing.

Our nation is being asked to do things differently, and while the change is necessary, and for the most part welcome, there is extreme discomfort around this. It is important to speak to that discomfort and fear, while at once drawing on the faith that change is ultimately for the highest and best cause. The way things were may have worked well at one time, but no longer do, that is evident in all directions.

In the end though, and as always, I have to bring the focus of change back to myself, because myself is the only thing I can change. This is not a new concept at all, but while I know this, I still want things to be a certain way, so being the control freak that I can be, I will sometimes try to make things happen. Usually this approach is laced with friction and obstacles that can leave me frustrated.

It is in the trying to “make things happen”, where resistance to what is really necessary for me and my well being, causes pain and frustration. That does not mean that intentions and goals should not be striven for, but I am coming to find, that the more relaxed I am in terms of outcome, the more that opens up to me. I have been totally amazed and in awe in the moments I can actually chill out with things, and have an open hand instead of a tight fist.

I’m learning, but I really don’t know the first thing about “letting go”. I talk about it constantly in my classes though, and teach techniques via the body and the breath, that are geared towards surrender, but honestly, I have no clue as to how it happens. Letting go just happens, and I have no hand in it.

I can have a completely honest intention to release something I have been holding on to, but sometimes it seems necessary to sit with discomfort, and really observe it, observe the thoughts and feelings around it, because there is a message in the murkiness. There is beauty there, that wants to be cultivated.

I am grateful for the moments I gain insight and clarity, and if it means I have to go into the murk, then so be it.

I asked for change and growth, so here it is.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 14th, 2009 at 11:20 pm and is filed under Journal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.