Resistance
It always seems funny to me, when I realize something, that I have “known” for a long time.
What I mean, is when something actually makes sense in a deep and visceral way, surpassing the intellect. I have been experiencing that a lot lately.
It came to me that resistance is a great part of my suffering. I have heard this many times, and I have read a lot about resistance and suffering.
In life, I have resisted so much, and have been a recalcitrant in many ways, stubbornly unopen to change or new ideas, even if it was for my higher good, and especially if it was not MY idea.
Resistance to what life has to offer is pretty universal, and we limit ourselves in countless ways. It is odd to think, however, that I can even be resistant to my own ideas, hopes or dreams, but it definitely seems to be the case at times. It is beyond consciousness, and lies with in the deep layers of conditioning.
Procrastination, avoidance and withdraw, are among the ways resistance shows up. I picked these ways to touch on, because I am aware that I use all of them rather frequently, as if second nature. I see this in others too. The list goes on and on and on.
Avoidance is one of my most undesirable manifestations of resistance I think. I see how it creates stress in my world, or keeps me from experiencing something potentially wonderful or life changing, but along with that, I don’t get to see new perspectives.
Deep fear is the culprit for sure, and as it takes on many forms, it is not always so easy to detect in the form of resistance.
I have talked about being victim to my circumstances before in other posts. To keep from being a victim, as I’ve said, I have to take responsibility and ownership to what is going on in my mind (that seems to be an ongoing theme, doesn’t it). I have to be honest, and really look at what is there, move into it with a mature mindset honestly and whole harted. I have found that is the only way for me to move forward. That, and facing my fears, all of them with the same approach.
Fear is cunning, and as I mentioned has a million forms. I have recently started to examine just how many times I make myself a victim of it, or at least my circumstances.. It is really quite astounding. I more than want to stop doing this, and so I am looking deeply, going into what ever the fear brings up, face on, then changing my behavior, or habitual response.
This would appear to be the obvious and simple thing to do, but it definitely is not easy, especially when you think you know too much, ;) and when an instinctual and deeply habitual response wants to over ride attempts to explore new ways. It means, that I have to start over in a sense, and daily at that.
I truly believe it is worth the difficulty though, and every barrier that I break through, makes me stronger, and better able to handle what ever comes my way. It also makes me softer and more receptive, so that I can also be of service to others, in a genuine way.
A dear friend told me just last night, “Arline, you are your own worst enemy, get out of your way, and open to the beauty that your life is.”
I was lamenting about a few things, and pretty much was not seeing the light that my life has and is.
Today I am willing to see things differently though, and I am willing to let go of the resistance, or at least, soften to it, so that I can in fact open to the joy, fully and completely, and be of service to others.