wearing the web of my humanity
I had a halting moment the other day, and I love when this happens, because it usually means change and growth.
Nothing was wrong really, but in my mind it seemed like everything was “against” me. Poor Arline!
I was voicing my lament to someone (my teacher actually), when I realized that what I was saying was nothing more than a repeat of some “issues” I had droned on about over and over many times, to no avail.
It finally dawned on me, that by my focusing on what seemed wrong, was and is not useful to me or others, and it was getting me no where fast. Novel huh! But it seems like I am somewhat “addicted” to the fear, and what ever that brings up for me, because I continue to bring that energy into my space.
I know how ludicrous that must sound, but really a habit is a form of addiction, and we all have habitual thoughts and patterns in our mind and body.
Hopefully through massive and intensive work and letting go, the patterns can become unraveled and new life can begin. I speak for myself only, but when I am caught up in habitual thought patterns, I am not living, I am reacting and projecting, scheming and hating where I am at once.
I am flooded with gratitude for the people in my life who let me be just who I am, where I am in my head trip, and have the courage to tell me the truth about what they see, so that I can see myself clearly.
I can take the truth. I welcome it.
It seems that web of humanity, or ego, is very tenacious, and I have to respect that fact, but I don’t have to give into it. I just have let go until I actually surrender to something more loving.
Enough said.
June 17th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Hi Arline :) thanks for visiting my site. as I can see from this post, you propose many intense ideas! [I guess that's part of yoga!]
I just wanted to let you know I replied an answer to your question about why you might be holding onto the cape– in a small way I think its kind of related to this very post! [why we hold onto certain behaviors/things]
you can see my reponse on the original post: http://butterfly-black.blogspot.com/2007/08/ebay-is-my-bff-deal-with-leather.html
thanks for dropping by too! and I also feel like there are a lot of alternatives now. Personally, I don’t really need to search too much to find leather-free shoes and bags. [UO has tons!] even eco-friendly items arent hard to find nowadays.
June 17th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Addiction to certain feelings! I’ve heard that before as a reason for why we do things/feel a certain way sometimes. Thank you for reminding me-this is totally applicable to a certain pattern of mine that I’ve been dissecting lately that’s been eating me up. This helps sets me straight!
: )
June 17th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Hi Gloria, thank you for visiting my site too, and leaving a comment.
Yes, yoga definitely asks you to look deeply at everything. It is much more than a series of poses.
You are totally right about the cape.